Bulk Up, Tyrannosaurus Rex


It’s times like these when you’re fully within your right to be all, “What’s up, T-Rex? Why so lame?” because researchers at the Natural Museum of Oslo have discovered a new pliosaur that could eat a four wheel drive. At 50 feet long and a suggested 45 tonnes, the so-called Predator X (nerds!!), whose 10-foot jaw filled with 12-inch teeth had a 16-tonne bite force, well and truly shits all over the Tyrannosaurus in size, force and name. Oh way to be outdone, T-Rex. You’re nothing without your claim to being the Ultimate Predator. Raptors might be kinda little, but at least they’ve got caché. You’ve got nothing. My advice is you start writing your tell-all autobiography now and get it published fucking fast because people are losing interest in that sub-par 4-tonne bite force and clappy forelimbed shitfest you’ve got going on. If your book does well (positive thinking, T-Rex), you can totally come live in my backyard. I’ll quit my job and we’ll drink Long Island iced teas before noon and yell obscenities at the neighbours till tea time and once or twice you’ll try and eat my cat, and the first time it’ll be kinda funny because holy shit, you should have seen his face, but the second time it’ll be like, “Haha ohh… no more iced teas for you, Mister. Go make us some macaroons.” Now come on, it doesn’t sound that bad…

– bec


Filed under Archosaurs, Museum Stuff, New Species!

5 responses to “Bulk Up, Tyrannosaurus Rex

  1. NayNay

    You are effing funny Bec. I don’t know if you know that.

  2. NayNay

    But you articulate the humour, and give them the voice they never had… or the voice we assume they never had.

  3. ralake

    What’s this? Nay throwing a spanner into the works. Talking dinosaurs? Sick!

  4. jonnie

    that thing is awwwwwwwwwwwwwesome

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