Fuck Off With Your Shitty Display

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Okay look, I don’t want to be a downer, because you guys have obviously put a lot of effort into it all, but seriously, this would never actually happen. Your shit’s all askew. Like for starters, Lamby, how did you even get up there? Your hooves aren’t made for rock climbing, they’re made for trotting around a grassy meadow like a tiny puff of downy cloud with a very loud voice. Clouds don’t belong in some dreary half-arsed cave. And neither do you, Parrots, you’re far too pretty for this mixed-up fuckery. Get out while you can, and while you’re at it, pick Lamby up by his cloud-shoulders and haul him the hell out of there too, bearing in mind that you might want to go your separate ways once you’re in the open again. You can’t really expect Lamby to want to hang out with you in the trees all that much anyway, which is probably a good thing because did I mention that he talks real loud, like all the time? The other treetop creatures won’t put up with that bullshit for long, even if you two naive bastards think you can.

What? No, no, Wallabies, you’re fine where you are. You too, Bower Bird, just go about your business, I’ve got this. You might want to lay low for a bit though, till I sort out Snarly McSnarl over there. Wait, this was your idea, wasn’t it, Mountain Lion? You think you can just invite a whole lot of your delicious friends over for drinks and whatever, and they’re not going to get suspicious at some point? That water isn’t even real! And it’s appearing as if from nowhere! That poor Duck is plenty confused, and will probably smash his little face into it if he’s not careful. Oh and a peacock, Mountain Lion, seriously? You just got cocky with that shit, obviously. Yeah, good idea, Peacock, off you go, I’ll meet you in the tearoom in five. See, Mountain Lion? The rest of them are eventually going to pick it up too, and then all you’ll have is a bunch of weepy, sad-faced delicious friends on your hands. You don’t think Unidentifiable Tiny Mammal over there won’t bust out the cute as soon as you tell him he’s lunch, do you? Exactly.

Oh yeah, go on, Goat Features, laugh it up. Just because you’ve got horns and you’re kinda tall doesn’t mean Mountain Lion isn’t going to lunge at you the minute you check out that Fake Pond of Deception. And don’t think your weird voodoo zombie ritual is going to help you, because Mountain Lions don’t believe in that shit. And just so you know, you’re going straight to hell for all those reindeer you scalped, you hairy douchebag.

Oh, hey Frogs. What, a song? For me? Well I was going to meet this peacock for lunch about nowish, but okay, I guess one song can’t hurt. Where do you want me to sit? Up here? It’s awfully close to – hey, Mountain Lion, don’t mind me, I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.  A drink? Sure, umm, I don’t know, a water or something, maybe?

– bec

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Filed under Animals, Museum Stuff, Random Rants

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